Is It Time For Something Drastic ?

Being as far from an adrenaline junkie as you can get, I sometimes wonder about myself. Then I wonder about that statement, and realise its bollocks. You dont need to be addicted to fast cars, diving with sharks and a permanent need to try and kill yourself to be addicted to adrenaline. You can be addicted to different kind of high. I recently discussed life in general with a new friend, we were comparing things we had done that we consdier noteworthy, interesting or extreme and so on and so forth. At the end of the conversation he looked at me, and said 'ok, we get it, you win every time, what a hell of a life you have'.

It got me thinking, I would never bunjee jump, because thats for mentalists, and I cant dive because everytime someone puts a mask on me and puts me under the water I hyperventilate and cry. That in my head made me fairly wimpy. Then I realised that not many people can say they went to the North Pole, not many people have crawled on their hands and knees through a glacier in the pitch dark, little to no-one I know has stood at the bottom of a slippery icy tunnel to the outside of a cave and believed they might not make it up without needing to call in the helicopters. The actual number of people who have done that is two, me and the woman who stood behind me and literally willed me out the top. I have detoxed in Thailand (mild in comparison) for 7 days, of fasting and colonics. I sit at my desk and wonder what next ? What should I be doing next to push the limits ? It makes me think that alot of my achievements in life come from pushing boundaries, and testing limits. My limits, other peoples, mostly mine.

It also makes me think what next ? What next indeed, half of me is done and wants to go lie on a beach and drink cocktails, the other half of me wants to do more, do something that isnt about me potentially. The North Pole was about Breast Cancer, but when I got there I realised it was about me, it was about something I needed to do for myself. Yes thats all very deep and reflecty, however it wasnt designed to be. But if you put me and my own thoughts in a room together with nothing else to do for 8 hours a day, you do tend to reflect. Thoughts bounce around the inside of your head until they bump into each other and you end up with an epiphany of sorts. I tried to drown out the incessant chatter with music, but -32 degrees tends to fuck with the electrics somewhat. My brain wiring as well as my iPod. Again the fasting I did was for my body, but it ended up being about my mind too. A clear out indeed.

So it seems that the clutter of my life, and the millions of thoughts that are thought, stored, spoken, deleted, saved, shared on a daily basis need me to take myself away from it and push myself to the limits in order to be able to come together at their own pace and form actual coherent ideas. It seems that some of my thoughts were designed to hook up and then reveal their point to me, but in order for that to happen I need to be not looking. If that makes sense.

I think that I shall refrain from anything drastic this year, potentially the Science Festival is enough to tick that box for me for 2011.