Petrolhead...

So as predicted I haven’t done this every day, which whilst being predictable isnt impressive, I should probably head off to my room to think about what I have done, or not done as the case may be. However I would a) enjoy that and b) get fired for being in bed and not at my desk, where I ALWAYS am. No bitterness intended.

When I think about what I have done instead of blogging I am not satisfied, I have had a week of being fairly ranty (granted its only Monday) and am constantly checking myself before I lose my temper fully. Those of you who know me, are wondering exactly what is different to normal. I am doing a bad job of being organised, doing 100 million things bit by bit.

Anyway, my question today has to be directed at the people who fill my petrol tank, and before you whiny do gooders start banging on about how I should ‘fill my own tank’, think about ‘how much they get paid’ and so on and so forth. I take all that into consideration. I tip well, and would if needed fill my own car, but, and this is the big but. I don’t, they do, its their job, which they are paid for, I personally didn’t make them take the job (please insert more rants and more so ons and so forth as required). I drive to Abu Dhabi every day, I have my petrol buying off to a fine art. I know exactly how far a full tank will get me, to the kilometer. So finely tuned is my ability to know where I am at petrol wise that I know how much will get me to several different places, Hessa’s, my Mum’s, my house, The Yacht Club. Now, when I say give me a full tank, I mean it, I need it and I am prepared to pay for it. So to give me 490 km instead of 525 km because there is a queue of people behind me, makes me want to drive back to the petrol station and stamp my foot, or wrap the petrol hose around your neck, especially as I gave you a 10dhs tip for the bloody benefit of YOU deciding how much petrol my car requires. As any of you know who have tried to fill your car at any petrol station along the route between Dubai and Abu Dhabi you will know that Abu Dhabi side there is always a queue of up to 15 cars minimum, so I can understand the frustration and the stick which you must put up with, please however bear in mind that when I get about 5 minutes away and realize I have been short changed I am not only a little bit angry but livid. I realize that this could be fixed by a quick stop at another less busy petrol station, or getting up 15 minutes early and topping up. I work hard, I drive a long way and those 15 minutes of extra sleep time are worth every last minute. Selfish rant over.

Today I decided that I required my Louboutins to go with a new jacket, I also realized the mish mash of clothes that I am wearing, it makes me giggle. 3 compliments so far on the jacket, and 4 on the outfit as a whole, the shoes cost ten times more than the whole outfit. The jacket itself was 50dhs in Primark which just goes to prove to me that people don’t know the difference, and that I don’t care. I love my expensive shoes for their comfort and shiny red soles and everything else is just because I love it.

Driving Miss Crazy...

Rain, it causes mayhem and sillyness in Dubai. These are fairly calm words compared to the ones I was using on my drive to work this morning, not even the smooth sounds of Rob Thomas could stop me from shouting at the white BMW 4x4 that threatened to run me off the road. I appreciate a few things about this utter moron, he obviously has bought into the idea that hanging a CD and a set of prayer beads from your rear view mirror is the best way to combat those pesky speed cameras. They really should just be removed so that this poor man doesn’t have to put up with the blinding light in his eyes every few hundred yards. He was after all just trying to make sure that the 2 women and child in his car got to wherever it was they were going at the speed of light. No other speed would have sufficed for these special charges. I say special charges for a few reasons, the main one being that as the child was not strapped in and was standing on the arm rest between him and his front seat passenger, he must hold him and his safety close to his heart. The seatbelt is obviously just a restriction put on this earth to stop him waving his arms about and also turning to the back seat to converse with his other passengers; in this case I believe we should just have them removed. Whilst we are removing things, possibly his wing mirrors, as they just make the car slightly wider, and make it even harder to use the hard shoulder as an extra lane for driving in, and as he is already turned backwards for conversational purposes we should just remove the rear view mirror. It just gets in the way of the windscreen when he is gesticulating and trying to make a point to the car in front. However without that he may have to resort to sticking a hook on his wind screen for the beads and CD, saying that though, if we remove the speed cameras there would be no need, problem solved.

The bull bar should also be removed as it makes it harder for him to get as close as humanly possible to the car in front, in order to make his point more clearly, so really all cars should have their bumpers removed as well, so that he can get within the requisite 2cm rather than 15cm.  The flashing of lights is mandatory, full beam essential in order to make your point. It works even better if you can put your hazards on at the same time. At this point it would be helpful to note that you are not special, the man in the BMW is not just asking you to move, he would be delighted if you could pass on the message to the car directly in front of you, and directly to your right, if you could also employ the same methods as him it would work faster.

Also I would at this point like to commend our police for the sterling work they did during the above process. Talking on your mobile whilst doing 160 in the slow lane was helpful in ways I cannot describe, it is beyond words.

I have many views on the driving on the Abu Dhabi highway, many of which I cannot express without getting a warning for language either from my mother or the greater gods of the internet, such is the level that is required. I usually just grin and bear it but today, to you, the muppet in the bmw, I hope your tyres fall off and someone shoves a potatoe up your exhaust, believe me if I knew where you lived I would.

Inconsistent Noise

As a person who writes when she feels like it, and very rarely on command, unless it is of course my job and then I can pretty much pull it out of the bag and produce some of my most average work, I have notes, blogs and ramblings all over the place. Facebook, emails, my work website. I occasionally get told I should write more often, in more cases than most its just because of the random nature of my rambles that they hold attention. Either that or as sometimes noted, I write like I talk, which makes it somewhat difficult, yet fairly entertaining to read my chatter.

So as a fairly late resolution I have decided to blog. Later than most it seems I will join the revolution. I will however not be blogging about nothing. I literally cannot bear incessant blogging of nothingness. Facebook and Twitter are there for you humorless morons who feel the need to update your status that you are brushing your teeth, hungry, going to bed, going to work, are devoid of soul.

A blog is a look at life, not a place to tell us your most boring details of the day.

So I intend to blog about subjects. I do not promise they will be of interest, I do not promise they will be relevant or funny. They will however have a meaning and a purpose of some sort.

For example this blog serves the purpose of me beginning, and also pointing out how much I hate the status wasters. Please see new invented title for those above mentioned morons who I have to hit ignore / remove on Facebook for immediately as it defies logic that you would spare the time to update your status to reflect the most mundane moments of your day. Are you really that dull ?

So there we go kids. Expect more in the form of rants, and questions and general chats from me. Please feel free to join in at any point..